Thorin X Bilbo Oneshots
by Cool Tunder
Summary: Exactly what the title says. Mostly a collaboration between me and 666mewmew (they provide the ideas, I bring them into words), but if you have a request, don't be afraid to ask.
1. Surprise

Title: Surprise

Summary: Bilbo mourns his lost love…and promptly faints to find her with his bundled child at the door of Bag End. Fem!Thorin Everybody Lives AU

Requester: 666mewmew

* * *

Two years. Nearly two years since the Battle. Since he watched her die in his arms. The minute the Battle was over, he packed his things and left. He didn't even stay for her funeral. When the Elves of Mirkwood offered to let him stay, he declined. He also declined the same invitations from Beorn and Elrond when we passed there. In all honesty, Bilbo Baggins just wanted to go home.

Bag End was a mess when he first arrived. His friends and neighbors had assumed him dead and took this as a chance to empty the entire house of all its thing (he caught that wench Lobelia making off with a pocketful of his spoons). Once everything was put in order and the house was refilled, he shut himself in. While cooped up in Bag End, he would barely sleep or eat. In fact, most of his time was spent in the armchair in his study, staring at nothing. Bilbo could barely be bothered to fiddle with his magic ring anymore, however much it pleaded with its whispering voice. He wouldn't come out for days on end and when he did venture to the market for food, he hardly spoke a word and kept his head low. It wasn't until months later, at the request of his good friend and gardener, that he even see someone about this.

The healer had called it post traumatic stress. She said that he was haunted by his adventures, the Battle, the death of…. But Bilbo had soon dismissed her diagnosis. No, he could never be haunted by his journey; he missed it. He missed the dirt path beneath his feet and the wind in his hair. He missed the sneezes he'd get from the horse hair and the weight of Sting in his hand. He missed Bofur's oblivious nature and Balin's stories, Bombur's cooking and Dori's nagging of his two little brothers, the playful banter of the Brother's Durin and the wise words of Gandalf.

But most of all, he missed her.

Thorena Oakenshield had not been what Bilbo had expected. Dwarf women were rarely spoken of within Dwarf culture alone, so it was surprising to see one such woman leading a battle charge all of its own, even if she was a descendant of Durin. When she first came knocking on his door that eternity ago, she was cold, unmoving, a force to be reckoned with on the battlefield, and one to bear a grudge. As the journey progressed, however, Bilbo began to notice some things. She wasn't as cold as he'd originally made her out to be, as she did care immensely for those close to her (mainly her sister sons). When he'd saved her life on the cliffside, Thorena seemed to include Bilbo in that group.

It was slow, but the Hobbit did eventually warm up to her as well. One thing turned into another and, by the time they'd reached Laketown, they started courting. They was…one awkward night before they'd left Esgaroth for the Mountain, but for the most part the courtship went along smoothly…. At least, until Erebor was taken back from Smaug. Thorena had grown distant, more distrustful of the other Dwarves and more possessive over their resident burglar. The madness came to a head when she tried to throw him off the parapet for the theft of the Arkenstone.

The things she had said, all the threats and insults…. If Bilbo Baggins thought the ache in his chest before the Battle erupted was heartache, then he was vastly unprepared for what transpired on Ravenhill.

He remembered waking up after a nasty blow to his head. Then wandering around the hill, trying to help in whatever way he could. Then he found Thorena, collapsed on the ice, blood absolutely everywhere. He rushed forward, the panic of the situation drowning out any reason as he tried to help her. But she was beyond help at that point.

"I'm going to get help. One of the Elves can heal you."

"B-Bilbo-."

"You're going to be alright, I just-!"

"Bilbo." A hand had cupped his face. The light was already fading from her eyes. "I'm sorry…for everything. I would take back all my words, all the peril I put you through."

"I would go through it all again. Please, just stay with me!"

"F-farewell, my love. Go back your books…and your armchair…and your garden. Plant your tree…w-watch it grow."

"No, please-."

"If more valued home over gold…the world…would be a merrier…place…indeed…." She closed her eyes. And didn't open them again. He couldn't remember much after that, just feelings: hands on his shoulder, tears in his eyes, an unbearable ache in his chest….

Bilbo was dragged out of those memories by a knock on the door. At first he ignored it, thinking it some concerned neighbor or annoying relative. Perhaps it was Lobelia Sackville-Baggins wondering when he would just up and die of a broken heart. When the knocking became more insistent, the Hobbit finally lifted himself from the armchair and made his way to the door. "Hamfast, is that you? I already told you that healer doesn't know what she's talking about! Just leave me b-."

He opened the door.

So much was right there in front of his face yet he couldn't register any of it.

Thorena, alive, tears, Dwarves, gurgling, baby, WHAT?

He fainted right on the spot.

* * *

When his vision returned, he found several faces hovering overhead. The first he recognized was Hamfast Gamgee. His cousin Drogo was also looking down at him, more concerned than he'd ever seen him. The familiar face of Balin came into focus next, followed by…Fili and Kili? But they'd….

Bilbo forced himself to sit up in bed, shaking the illusions from his mind. He looked up again, but the Brothers Durin were still there. "What?"

"Are you feeling alright, Mr. Bilbo?" The question came from Hamfast, whose hand now rested on Bilbo's shoulder to support him.

"I'm hallucinating. I'm seeing the dead."

"That's no way to speak about Balin," Kili reprimanded playfully. "He's not THAT old."

"Kili," Fili whispered to his brother. "I think he's talking about us."

"Oh."

"B-b-but," Bilbo stuttered, pointing at the 'ghosts' before him. "You two were killed on Ravenhill!"

Balin spoke for the boys. "I can assure you, Laddie, that they're as alive as you and me."

"What are you even doing here?!"

"Sorry, cousin." The Hobbit turned to receive an answer from Drogo. "They were asking about you, so I showed them here. They said they were old friends of yours."

"And you, Hamfast?"

"I was on my way over to weed the garden when I saw the Dwarves out front and you fainting in the doorway. I ran over as fast as I could to see what the problem was."

That's when the crying started.

The distinct sound of a baby wailing echoed from outside his bedroom and Bilbo suddenly remembered the other reason for his faint. He forced himself to stand up, pushing past his cousin and his gardener towards the door. The Hobbit followed the sound down the hall and towards the study, the wailing soon accompanied by a woman's lullaby. He round the corner…and there she was.

Thorena, as alive as Fili and Kili, now sat in his armchair, cradling an infant in her arms. The baby cooed sleepily in response to their mother's song. Bilbo watched for a few minutes, still in utter disbelief, until the infant finally drifted to sleep. That was when the Dwarf women looked up. She stood, uneasy, and placed the baby in a wicker basket on the table (probably a makeshift cradle) and faced the Hobbit.

"Th-Thorena?"

She smiled sadly. "Hello, Master Baggins."

He wanted to run away. He wanted to punch her. He wanted to dash forward and hug and kiss the thrice damned woman and never let her go again. Instead, he stood shaking, stuttering. "I thought…I thought you…."

"I almost was." There wasn't any need to finish that sentence.

"I saw you die. I-I saw you bleed to death in my arms."

"I know you're upset-."

"Upset?" He wanted to shout, but he'd rather not wake that baby. "One word, Thorena. Just one. That's was all I needed to know that you were alive." Tears that he'd thought he'd shed long ago came streaming down his cheeks. "Why?"

"…Dain."

"Oh, don't blame that wretched cousin of yours for what-."

"Bilbo, just-!…just listen, please." The Hobbit now took notice of the tears in her own eyes. "He said you'd left. That you hadn't forgiven me for my actions under the gold sickness." Her voice shook as she spoke. "I-I believed him. For the longest time, I believed that you wanted nothing to do with me."

Bilbo took a step towards the Dwarf woman. "What made you change your mind?"

"Gandalf." Of course. "He told me to pull myself together and see you."

"And here you are."

"And here I am."

Utter silence…. Well, not utter, as the Hobbit could hear his other guests muttering from the other room. He ignored those voices, only focusing on the wonderful woman that was ALIVE and standing before him. That third option came into effect as he practically leapt into the Dwarf's arms, both of them crying and laughing at the same time. He leaned back and kissed her; it wasn't anything passionate, but tender, and endearing none the less.

One of the best moments of Bilbo's life was interrupted when he remembered his other visitor. He reluctantly pulled away from Thorena and glanced toward the baby. "And who is this?" He had his suspicions, but he wanted to be sure.

Thorena smiled, lifting the infant from the makeshift cradle and holding her for the Hobbit to see. "She is ours."

He fought to stay conscious and not faint again. That incident in Laketown was coming back to bite the two of them. "I-I'm so sorry, this is my fault, I-."

"Bilbo." His rambling apology was silenced by the sound of her voice and a hand on his cheek. "There's nothing to apologize for. In fact, she was the reason I held myself together these last years."

"D-does she have a name, or must I just refer to her as 'the baby'?"

Thorena's smile flickered a bit. "Well, Dwarf youths aren't truly given a name until their second birthday. So the parents get to know the child before deciding on a name that best suites him or her. However, if you would rather go by Hobbit traditions in this case, I would be fine for picking something now." She passed the infant over for Bilbo to hold. He looked down at his new little girl as she opened her eyes drowsily. He smiled when he saw the same blue eyes her mother bore and the faintest bit of curly brown hair on top of her head.

"You know what? I'll get to know her first." He looked up at the beautiful Dwarf woman that'd he grown to love in his adventures. For now, he'd just enjoy the fact that they were both alive and well.

* * *

I'm sorry I can't come up with a good name for a Dwobbit baby.


	2. What Did You Say About My Husband!

Title: What Did You Say About My Husband?!

Summary: Thorena and Dís go out for a drink and overheard one Lobelia Sackville-Baggins talking shit about Bilbo and their daughter Bella. The Dwarves retaliate. Fem!Thorin Everybody Lives AU.

Requester: 666mewmew

* * *

"So when exactly is this husband of yours going to join us?"

"Not too long. He stayed behind to tuck in Bella. He'll be here…eventually."

"Not the fastest Hobbit, is he? Hey, another ale over hear!" Dis shouted at the passing bar maid. In all honesty, most of the regular patrons of the Green Dragon were probably fed up with the two Dwarf women and their drinking (though the bar tender was probably appreciating all the business). Normally, Thorena would take her drinking elsewhere, being known to take a trip to the Prancing Pony in Bree every once in a while, but tonight was a special night. This was the first time she'd seen Dis since her and Bilbo's daughter was born, and her younger sister had insisted on 'seeing the stuff these Halflings called brew'. Bilbo was set to join them but, as previously stated, he first had to put their 6 year old Dwobbit to bed.

"No, but he's my Hobbit. No one can tell me otherwise."

"Aww. So sweet! Whatever happened to the grumpy old lady that ran herself ragged all over Ered Luin? Probably died off when you began to show, haha!"

Thorena already knew where this was headed. "Dis…."

"Then again, every minute was a different mood. Not to mention all the cravings. You nearly ate Bombur and Balinda out of their own tavern one time."

"Dis, please-."

"And all those sleepless nights. I suppose when Thorena Oakenshield suffers, we all suffer." The elder sister was practically growling at this point. "What? After all those years of you and your cheeky little friends giving me grief about my pregnant days, I'm not allowed to return the favor?"

"Filthy *hic* Dwarves…."

The comment was a very low whisper, yet both Dwarf women heard it and practically froze. They slowly turned to the one who had said the insult and Thorena immediately recognized the sneering face of one Lobelia Sackville-Baggins, her husband Otho not too far away. She'd had a few run ins with the dreadful Hobbit before, though those times Bilbo had been there to cool things down before something more than a verbal argument broke out. "Can I help you, Lobelia?"

The Hobbit's sneer somehow grew even larger. "Honestly. This is a p-*hic* public place and here you two are chatting *hic* obnoxiously loudly about something so ob-*hic*scene!" There was mead on her breath and she slurred when she spoke, but that didn't help the situation one bit.

"Miss, most everyone here is drunk," Dis commented. "I don't think anyone minds but you."

"Dear, please," Otho tried to defuse the situation, but his drunk wife wouldn't back down.

"I'm sure this behavior is *hic* acceptable amongst YOUR kind, but we *hic* are a respectable folk. Well, *hic* MOST of us are a respectable folk."

"And what is THAT supposed to mean?" Thorena practically growled.

"Oh, I'm *hic* sorry. What I mean is you seem t-*hic* to have married a rather poor excuse of *hic* a Hobbit."

"L-Lobelia-."

"And then there's that half *hic* breed of yours running around *hic* scaring all the fauntlings."

"Lobelia, please-."

"Oh what, Otho? I'm *hic* just saying that these people obviously don't belong in the Shire! *hic* And if I were them, I'd pack my *hic* and-." The Hobbit never got the chance to finish as a very angry Dwarf woman grabbed her by the scuff of her coat.

* * *

Bilbo released some of his tension with a loud sigh. Putting Bella to bed had taken much more time and effort than it should have been. No doubt the excitement of her "Auntie Dís" visiting was the source of her extra energy. Hopefully his wife and sister-in-law wouldn't mind his tardiness.

It wasn't until the Hobbit got close to the Green Dragon's entrance that he heard the shouting.

His heartbeat quickened along with his place. "Nononono," he muttered as he reached for the door. Once he was inside, all he could see was absolute chaos. Both Thorena and Dís were attempting to tear one Lobelia Sackville-Baggins limb from limb. Some of the other patrons had taken it upon themselves to try and help; several were putting their best efforts into holding the Dwarf women back while one or two attended to Lobelia (the dreadful woman was screaming bloody murder the whole time). "What the HELL is going on here?!"

The Hobbit's shout caused everything to go silent. Thorena ceased her attack and looked back at her husband. "Bilbo?"

"Someone arrest her or something!" The outcry came from Lobelia, sobered up form fear alone. "She's a savage! Both of them! I was minding my own business when they just attacked me!"

"That's a filthy lie!" Thorena shouted.

"Yeah, it wasn't for no reason," another Hobbit (possibly the bar tender) added. "You were spouting all this rude nonsense about them!"

"They were being rude first!"

"That's enough!" Bilbo shouted. All present were silenced once again. "Lobelia, what did you say?"

"Only the truth. We were just fine, all of us, before you decide to go off on your little adventure. And what do you bring back with you? Foolish propaganda, a chest of gold you hoard all to yourself, and a Dwarf. Now we have children running around wanting to go off and get themselves into all this nonsense!"

"Lobelia, please-."

"You can shut your useless gob up, Otho! It's because of him that we're even associating ourselves with cave-dwellers and half-breeds! He's just like his bitch of a mother!"

The Hobbit woman was immediately silenced by a hand gripping her shoulder and a very angry Bilbo Baggins glaring daggers at her. "You are out of line."

Thorena looked at her husband with surprise. She'd never seen him this angry before. She put a hand on his shoulder instinctively, as if sensing what he was about to do. Meanwhile, Lobelia had the gall to smirk. "What are you going to do, Baggins? Hit me? We both know you aren't going to do it. It's not your way."

A tense silence fell over the Green Dragon. No one dared to move, speak, or even breathe for the longest time. After what seemed like an eternity later, Bilbo backed away, looking at his wife and giving the subtlest of nods. Then he turned to face Lobelia. "You're right. Violence is not my way of settling things." The Hobbit woman's smirk grew. "It's her's." Her smile fell as Bilbo leaned out of the way, allowing Thorena to deliver one last punch.

Suffice to say, Thorena was banned from the Green Dragon, Lobelia sported a black eye for the next two weeks, no Hobbit ever said anything disrespectful about Bilbo and his family again, and Dís could not stop laughing.


	3. Precious

Title: Precious

Summary: Bella finds her father's lucky ring, later sparking an argument between Bilbo and Thorena. Fem!Thorin Everybody Lives AU.

Requester: 666mewmew

* * *

Bella Baggins giggled as she ran toward Papa's study. She could hear her father still counting in the kitchen, giving her just enough time to climb into the perfect hiding spot. Even as she slowly opened the old trunk, the 6 year old Dwobbit could practically hear her father yelling at her for being where she wasn't supposed to be. However, this is what made the spot perfect, she thought to herself as she climbed into the trunk and shut the lid as quietly as she could.

The inside of the trunk was a bit if a cozy fit with all the junk thrown into it, but there was enough room for Bella to get into a comfortable position over the red coat spread out across everything. Not a moment after she got comfortable, she heard Papa shout. "Ready or not, here I come!" Fifteen minutes came and went and he still couldn't find her. Truth be told, she was getting restless. The little Dwobbit, in her restlessness, shifted in the trunk, accidentally kicked the side of the trunk and stretching herself out. That was when she felt something right under her head. Curious, she grasped at the spot and found that there was a small something that had been in the coat's pocket. She couldn't see it in the darkness of the trunk, but she could feel it; cold, smooth, circular, with a hole in the center. A ring.

The lid of the trunk was opened suddenly. "Belladonna Thraina Baggins, you know you're not supposed to be in here!" Bella looked up to see her angry father standing over her. That anger on his face quickly shifted to worry. "What's that you got?" Bella slowly opened up her hand and revealed a golden band. Just as the little Dwobbit registered what exactly it was, Papa practically wrenched it out of her hand, holding it close to his heart. Then he became angry again. "You do not touch this! You can never touch this, UNDERSTAND?!"

There were tears in her eyes. Papa had never yelled at her like this. "S-sorry, Papa."

The Hobbit seemed to snap out of his rage when he saw her crying. "I-…I'm sorry I snapped, Bella. It's just that…this is something…something I found in my adventure with Mama."

Bella lifted her head, pausing her crying. "Really?"

"Yes, really. It once belonged to a creature in the Misty Mountains. I won it from him in a game of riddles and it's given me good luck ever since."

"Is it a magic ring?"

"…In a sense. Let's just say that it's very precious to me."

"More precious than Mama?"

Papa pocketed the ring. "No goodness no, never more precious than Mama. Or you." He knelt down and hugged the little Dwobbit sitting in the trunk. "You two are my greatest treasures. Nothing's ever going to change that." Bella was starting to feel at least a bit better.

The grandfather clock chimed loudly in the small study, startling both of them. "Goodness, 4 o'clock already. I believe we agreed to play until it was nap-time."

Bella grumbled as she was lead to her room for her daily nap.

* * *

The Dwobbit was woken from her nap by the sound of angry voices. She couldn't quite make out what they were saying, but she could tell it was Mama and Papa fighting. Curious, she crept out of bed and slowly opened the door.

"What the HELL is the matter with you, Bilbo?!"

"Why are you angry at me? Bella knows she's not allowed in the study!"

"I'm not talking about your study, I'm talking about that Mahal forsaken ring!"

Bella stepped out into the hall and tip-toed down towards the voices in the living room.

"What's wrong with my ring?"

"Only the fact that you told me you lost it when Azog attacked Erebor. Now here you are with it in your hands, telling me that you pulled it out of our little girl's fingers and yelled at her just for holding it!"

"W-well-."

"Why did you lie to me about this? Of what importance is that ring to you?!"

Still hidden from view, she poked her head around the corner to see both of her parents.

"I j-just thought that-."

"What? That we wouldn't notice? That we would be too stupid to figure it out?! Bilbo, there are many magic rings in this world and NONE should be taken lightly. That wretched thing is addling your mind-."

"Oh, and here we have the raven calling the crow black. Have you forgotten how much you craved the Arkenstone? Yes, I pried a ring from a little girl's fingers, but you went to war over a rock! And you're still gold sick, look at you! You wan if for yourse-!"

Bella jumped at the sound that followed. She felt a tear in her eye as Papa stumbled back, a hand going to the cheek that had just been smacked. Mama was angrier than she had ever seen her. "Don't." Her voice was a growl.

"Th-Thorena-."

"Don't stand there and tell me of obsession. I walked a path of greed, yes, and I payed the price. I will not let you stand there and compare me to that monster I became." There was silence for what felt like forever. Then Mama stepped toward Papa and placed a hand on each shoulder before he could back away. "...I'm not trying to rob you, I'm trying to help you. Placing value in gold and treasure above all else will lead to destruction. I learned that from you. The hard way."

Both adults were startled by a loud sniff. Both turned suddenly and saw Bella standing in the threshold, crying. "I-I-I'm sorry!"

Mama and Papa rushed forward and knelt before their daughter. "Oh sweetie-."

"I found Papa's ring! It's my fault that he got angry! It's my fault you're fighting!" The Dwobbit was weeping now, red-faced and teary-eyed. She suddenly felt herself enveloped in her parents' arms.

"Don't ever say that," Papa consoled. "None of this is because of you. Sometimes, your mother and I fight, but that's because we have a problem that needs to be solved. Everyone fights, even those who love each other dearly."

Bella sniffed again. "Even you two?"

"Yes, my daughter, even us," Mama answered. "And you are not to blame. We had a…disagreement that will hopefully be resolved." Thorena raised her head and looked at her husband; the motion was soon copied by Bella. After a minute, Bilbo sighed.

"We'll…we'll be taking our trip to Erebor in a month. Gandalf said he'd be in the area when we arrive. I'll talk to him about the ring then."

"Thank you."

For the longest time, the family stayed there, content to stay in their embrace.


	4. Why Me?

Why Me?

Summary: Thorena, along with Balinda and Gretta (wives of Bombur and Gloin respectively), must survive the rebuilding of Erebor, the grief that comes with a certain Hobbit's absence, the flimsy Elf maid courting Kili, and the utter "joys" of pregnancy. It goes about as well as you'd expect. Fem!Thorin Everybody Lives AU.

Requester: 666mewmew

After Erebor had been retaken and had survived the Battle of the Five Armies, word had been sent to the Blue Mountains almost immediately. Only a few months after the Company of Thorena Oakenshield had set the messenger raven loose, a small army of migrating Dwarves came trudging up the slope of the Lonely Mountain. Most had been present when their kingdom was taken and had just wanted to return to the place they once called home. Others, those too young to remember the desolation of Smaug, were drawn here by the new opportunities the Kingdom Under the Mountain offered. Very few could claim that they were here to make their families whole again.

One such Dwarf was Balinda, wife of Bombur and mother to 14 children (the eldest being 35 already and the youngest only several months old). She was, to most, a very pleasant woman with dirty blond hair, rosy cheeks, and an overall girth that would put even her husband to shame. The irony of it is that she actually used to be very skinny (for Dwarf standards, anyway) back before meeting Bombur at the tavern she used to work in. In the course of their 40 year marriage, however, Balinda began to steadily get larger and larger: whether that was due to her husband's cooking or a side effect of having so many children is still under speculation (though when asked, she'd simply say that she just couldn't get enough of Bombur or his cooking). Of course, she was a bit of a cook herself, working alongside her husband if she wasn't taking care of their children (and admittedly spoiling them).

If Balinda was a very jolly woman, then Gretta, wife of Gloin and mother to Gimli, was her polar opposite. A woman with coarse, dark brown hair and a very stern look, she was the 'tough-but-fair' sort of wife. The story of how she met her husband is actually rather funny: she was working alongside the healer Oin at the Battle of Azanulbizar when Gloin entered the medical tent with a nasty cut across his chest. The Dwarf kept insisting that he was just fine and refused to hold still…that is, until Gretta became absolutely fed up, practically pinned him down, and threatened that if he didn't sit still that she would personally see to it that he all but bled out in the next fifteen minutes. Gloin went as still as a corpse, allowing Oin to operate (all the while thinking "Mahal, I'm going to marry this woman one day."). While she's very strict around the household, keeping her husband and son in line, she genuinely loves them very much and would do just about anything for them. Except have more children.

It would be reasonable that two women with such opposite personalities wouldn't get along very well; that would be most correct. Balinda and Gretta could barely stand being in the same room as the other and when they were forced to mingle, they be at each other's throats. Yes, they very rarely got along, if they got along at all. However, there is a single thing that both Dwarf wives could agree with; being midwives to Thorena Oakenshield was absolute hell.

"Here you go, Lass," Balinda said, offering her charge her third bowl of her special soup. "Drink up."

"Must you insist on overfeeding her?" Gretta spat, carrying a newly heated bag of rice over to the bed. "Not everyone needs to be as large as you in order to bear a child."

"She's eating for two and needs all that she can."

"Again, we're trying to FEED her, not fatten her up!"

"Must you both do this now?" Thorena grumpily asked. And of course no one could begrudge her for her mood. After all, being hungry, aching, six months pregnant, and trapped in a room with two bickering midwives would test the patience of many a Dwarf. All she wanted was the bowl of soup and the rice bag, but of course this happens. And of course said midwives made no effort to give her these things as they stared each other down like this was some battlefield.

It was moments like these where Thorena especially wished to help in the rebuilding. Or help Balin and Dis with political matters. Or spend time with her nephews. Anything at this point would give her something else to think about other than his damned ch-. No, she couldn't even bring herself to think about that at the moment. She shook those poisonous thoughts from her mind and focused in on the situation happening now. Gretta and Balinda had gotten into a full scale argument at this point (Dwarf woman A claimed she could raise children better than Dwarf woman B, who obviously called bullocks). For the first time in a while, they were completely unfocused on her. And the door was unblocked. This was her chance. No one could begrudge her for wanting to stretched her legs, she thought to herself as she slowly slipped out of bed and hobbled over to the door (a difficult feet with a 6 month pregnant belly). She reached the door without a problem, but then is swung open to reveal the object of her younger nephew's affections.

"My Lady, I'm sorry to disturb you," Tauriel said with a bow. This drew the arguing midwives' attention to the redheaded Elf at the door. And in turn the Dwarf woman currently standing by said door. The next thing Thorena knew, she was being carried back to bed and forcefully tucked under the covers. She grumbled as Balinda and Gretta turned towards the aforementioned Elf.

"And what exactly do YOU want?" Gretta said with a sneer.

"I came to deliver these." Tauriel pulled out a pouch and, despite the glare from the sterner midwife, handed it to Thorena. "The healers say that it will help with any discomfort you may have. Just brew the leaves in some tea and the effects should show immediately."

"And why are you delivering them exactly? That task should be for Oin."

"Your brother in law is otherwise occupied. Kili…thought it would be a good idea to surprise Dwalin. Oin's resetting his nose as we speak."

Gretta still looked a bit skeptical, and she was still glaring as Tauriel bid the three of them farewell. "Who does that bitch think she is?" she muttered as soon as the Elf left. "Just because she managed to get on the princes' good side, doesn't give her the right to be sauntering around the Mountain like she owns the play. I bet you anything she's just waiting for the moment she can shove a knife into someone's back."

"Keep in mind that she's the Elf that saved my life as well as those of my nephews," Thorena shot back, still grumpy from her failed escape. "If she truly meant us harm, she would've done so by now."

"Well…yes, but- Balinda, what do you think of all this? Surely you-."

"She's too skinny."

To be blunt, both Thorena and Gretta were surprised by the comment. "…What."

"She's too skinny. Bombur and I have been feeding her almost constantly, but she never seems to be gaining ANYTHING! You know, if she's going to be bearing children, the lass needs some more weight where it counts."

No one said anything for the longest time. Then Gretta drew up a hand to pinch the bridge of her nose. "Balinda. That 'Lass' you're referring to is an Elf, the folk who did nothing to aid us when Erebor was taken, who tried to steal from us nearly 60 years later, who think that they're above us Dwarves just because they're 'immortal and fair'. Now here's this Lass of yours, walking about Erebor freely and even COURTING one of the princes! And the thing that bothers you the most is how you can't fatten her up to be your bloody size?!"

"…Yes."

Gretta didn't know which infuriated her more; the sheer audacity of the notion or Balinda's conviction in said notion. Fortunately, she was saved from throttling the barmaid when the door opened once again and Balin stepped inside. "Good evening, My Lady. I trust you're feeling well?"

"I'm trapped in this room with two bickering midwives and 6 months worth of a baby, how do you think I'm doing?"

"…Sorry I asked." The old Dwarf approached the bed and cleared his throat. "Pardon the intrusion, but I had a matter that I must discuss with you."

"Of course, what do you need?"

Before Balin could answer, the door opened again to a rather frustrated Dain. "Thorena, we need to talk!"

"If it can wait one second, Dain-."

"No, you need to know-!" The Lord of the Iron Hills as the door flee open and in rushed a very frazzled looking Fili. "Arg, I can't take it anymore!" The young Dwarf King flopped onto the bed and laid there, unmoving for the longest time.

"…Fili?"

Fili shot up instantly. "I can't do this, Auntie. I'm not ready to be king. Can't I have five, no, fifty more years of being an idiot?"

Balinda decided to speak up. "Pardon me, but she needs food and-."

"No, what she needs is rest! For the last time, she does NOT to be as fat as you!"

Everyone was arguing at this point. Thorena tried to drown out the noise by covering her ears, then burying her head under the pillow, but the argument just went on.

"-hips aren't wide enough-!"

"-I'm the medical professional-!"

"-not what we agreed to-!"

"-my soldiers are working their-!"

"-wish Bilbo was here-."

Everyone instantly went silent, hoping that Thorena hadn't heard that name uttered. But oh, she heard it. She sat up slowly, a blank stare on her face. Then her eyes started to well up. A second later, she was absolutely bawling. "I'm sorry, Bilbo! Please come back! Please come back."

"Oh, not this again," Dain could barely hear himself mutter.

"EVERYONE OUT!"

Gretta practically chased all three Dwarves out of the room as Balinda began to comfort their weeping charge. "It's alright, Lass, everything's going to e fine."

"He hates me. He hates me."

"Never mind him, Lass. If he isn't going to be there for you, then he isn't worth it."

Surprisingly, the barmaid's prattle was working; the weeping soon died down to a sniffle. Balinda, of course, took this as a sign to smirk at the other Dwarf woman in the room, her already swollen chest puffed up in pride. Of course, the medic had no experience with this part of treatment; all this…"touchy feely" nonsense was foreign to her. No, Gretta's expertise was in medicines and herbs. This was the reason why she ignored her co-midwife and instead went for the pouch on the night stand. "Let's see if the Elf's leaf water works."

Miraculously, it did. When she poured the tea for Thorena, it had an immediate effect and soon enough, their charge began to drift off with a half full cup and a smile on her face. Both midwives could finally relax and soon left for the night. However, as soon as the door was closed, they didn't leave immediately, instead sharing a look. They both had certainly recognized that the other was competent in their own way. Perhaps it wasn't entirely impossible that they could get along….

"Eat shit and die."

"Yes, fuck you."

Or maybe not. Oh well. They only had to pull through for three more months.

Sent from my iPhone


	5. Back Again

Title: Back Again:

Summary: The Bagginses make there way to Erebor, mirroring the journey that was once taken. Fem!Thorin Everybody Lives AU.

Requester: 666mewmew

* * *

_"__Bebother and confusticate these Dwarves!" Bilbo all but shouted as he stomped out of his own home. He spent the first few minutes pacing and grumbling in his garden before slumping on the bench, hands over his face and a low groan filling the air. What had the poor Hobbit so frustrated? The dozen Dwarves currently invading his house and emptying his pantry. And that's not to mention the Wizard that invited them in the first place and wasn't doing anything to help him! Well, the fresh air seemed to be doing him little good, but the quiet was certainly welcome…. Perhaps he should go back inside before they broke any-._

_"__So, you must be the Hobbit."_

_Bilbo uncovered his face and looked towards the direction the voice had come from. He immediately took notice of a thirteenth Dwarf staring at him from the other side of the gate. It was hard to get a good glimpse of him in the little moonlight, but he could make out black hair and a short beard and the furs draped over the Dwarf. The Hobbit tried his best not to grumble as he stood up. "If you're referring to the Hobbit that's currently getting his house destroyed by several Dwarves and a Wizard, then yes. I'm that Hobbit."_

_The new Dwarf glanced at Bag End with a degree of disinterest. "I sincerely hope my company hasn't inconvenienced you too much." It was difficult to ignore the sarcasm, but he somehow managed._

_"__Oh, you're the one in charge then? Wonderful! Perhaps you, sir, can help me wrangle them before they break something." Bilbo opened the gate for the newcomer and lead him through the garden and inside. The Hobbit's headache immediately set back in the moment he stepped back into his home. Before given the chance to announce his new guests arrival, two of the younger Dwarves (Fili and Kili were their names he believed) rushed past. A moment later, the elder of the two did a double take._

_"__Auntie!" Fili rushed over and actually hugged the new Dwarf, his brother not far behind. "It's so good to see you again, Auntie!"_

_Auntie? Bilbo did a double take when they referred to the Dwarf as such. He decided it was either a teasing insult or a difference in culture at work. That is, until the rest of the Dwarves plus Gandalf filed into the entryway. Balin, the oldest of the group spoke first. "My Lady, you're late."_

_"__The meeting ran a bit longer than I thought it would. And I lost my way, twice."_

_"__I-I'm sorry," Bilbo finally decided to speak up. "I must have misheard, but did he just call you 'my lady'?"_

_"__Why, yes he did." The answer came from Gandalf, who had suddenly appeared behind him. "Bilbo Baggins, allow me to introduce the leader of our Company, Thorena Oakenshield."_

_Thorena smirked when the Hobbit began to gape. "The beard tends to mislead many, Master Baggins. Now tell me, have you done much fighting?"_

* * *

"Papa, what's taking so long?"

Bilbo shook his head out of the past when he heard his daughter's call. He had one last look at Bag End's door; the house would be in the care of his cousin Drogo while they traveled to Erebor, but it didn't make it any less nerve wracking to leave it behind, considering what he'd come back to the last time he'd left. At the sane time though, the Hobbit felt a twinge of excitement; he was off on another adventure. An adventure he'd get to share with his family.

"Bilbo, are you coming or not?" The voice belonged to his wife this time.

"One second!" It was still hard to believe that they'd met right here, nearly eight years ago, and look at them now. Shutting the gate behind him, Bilbo hurried to catch up with Thorena and Bella, the loves of his life.

* * *

_Well, wasn't this a fine mess they were in? Three hungry Trolls, ponies gone, the Company stripped to nothing but their long-johns, half of them turned on a rotisserie with the other half stuffed in sacks. But oh, it gets even better than that. Apparently they didn't have enough sacks to go around. It was then that one of the Trolls suggested shoving two Dwarves into one sack. So this was how the seven Dwarves and one Hobbit not slowing being cooked alive wound up paired off in sacks. And of course, said Hobbit just had to be stuck with HER._

_"__Would you mind rolling over? I don't fancy being crushed into jelly by a Dwarf."_

_"__Shut it."_

_"__Okay, just asking." It was bad enough that the Trolls stuffed him into the same sack as this miserable woman of a leader. But no, they felt like having the tiny little Hobbit squashed under the weight of said miserable woman. 'Make him extra soft and juicy' they said. And to make an awkward situation even worse, Bilbo was in nothing but his long-johns. "But-."_

_"__You're the one that got us into this mess, Burglar," Thorena growled. "You'll suffer just like the rest of us."_

_Bilbo's eyes widened; the sheer audacity! "My fault?! Your the one that had us make camp next to three Trolls! And chased Gandalf off, might I add!"_

_"__If it wasn't for you, we'd have passed them without a problem!"_

_"__First of all, it was your nephews that put me up to it! Secondly, if it wasn't for me, our mode of transportation would still be on the menu!"_

_There was a strong jab at his side. "Quit your yapping!" one of the Trolls ordered before turning back to his compatriots. "And you two, forget the seasoning! We ain't got all night to be cooking them. It's nearly dawn, and I don't fancy being turned to stone."_

_Bilbo immediately went quiet, the wheels turning in his head. Suddenly, an idea popped into his mind. "Roll over."_

_"__I told you-."_

_"__Just do it!" Without waiting for a response, the Hobbit put all his strength into rolling the sack, along with it's two inhabitants, over. Thorena was on her back and Bilbo ignored the blood rushing to his face and ears as he put his plan into motion. "Wait!" He called to the Trolls. "You're making a terrible mistake!"_

_"__You can't reason with them, they're halfwits!" The Dwarf under him protested._

_"__Halfwits? What does that make us then?" He brought his attention back to the Trolls. "I mean with the seasoning."_

_This seemed to pique their interest. "What about the seasoning?"_

_"__Well, have you smelled them? It's gonna take something a lot stronger than sage to cover up this lot's stench." He ignored the sharp jab to his stomach._

_"__What do you know about cooking Dwarf?" another one of the Trolls asked._

_"__Oh, more than you do. You see there's a secret to cooking the perfect Dwarf, and that's to skin them first." This statement was met with quite a lot of protest from Trolls and Dwarves alike and a hate-filled glare from Thorena._

_But then her eyes widened. She finally understood what he was doing. And, surprisingly, she joined in._

_"__Not that one!" she shouted when one of the brutes picked up the sack containing Kili and Bombur. "Those two are infected!"_

_Of course, this was all part of the plan. Together, Thorena and Bilbo had the Trolls arguing until Gandalf arrived, the morning sun not far behind. Soon enough, the Company was freed from their confinements while the Trolls sat in their stone prisons._

_"__Hope you didn't have too much fun in there with our burglar, Thorn," Bilbo heard Dwalin say, recognizing the Dwarf's nickname for their leader._

_"__Dwalin, I swear, one more crack like that and you're dragon fodder," was her response._

* * *

"C'mon, Papa!"

"For the last time, we are NOT going into that Troll Cave!"

"But I wanna find a pretty Elf sword for my quest!"

A hand was on the Hobbit's shoulder. "Let her have a little adventure," Thorena said. "The Elves of Rivendell cleared the cave of weapons a while ago; nothing to hurt herself on."

"I know, I'm not worried about her hurting herself. I worried that she'll stink of Troll for the rest of her days."

"I will wear my stink with pride!" Bella announced.

Neither parent could contain their laughter at the declaration for very long. Once the giggle fit had subsided, Thorena knelt down to their daughter's level. "You probably won't find any swords down there, but I remember Bofur, Gloin, and Nori buried a chest in there. Perhaps we can find it for them." The little Dwobbit positively beamed and ran into the cave before her father could stop her. "Coming?" The Dwarf asked her husband.

"…Fine." Bilbo had found out long ago that it was hard to say no to a child that was half Dwarf and partially a Took.

* * *

_Yet it be said that Thorena dressed in Elven silks was an interesting site._

_Bilbo would never admit it, but his breath was taken away the moment she'd entered the room in a long white gown. The dress was obviously not made for a Dwarf, but she wore it well. In fact, it was nice to see her at least partially embracing her feminine side…. No! He shouldn't be thinking such thoughts!_

_"__Checking out my auntie, are you?"_

_Turned his head to face Kili, face beginning to flush. "T-That's not-."_

_"__Eh, it's alright. Some have said she's a beauty amongst our race, especially in her younger days. I didn't think she'd somehow seduce a Hobbit of all things."_

_"__Oh, who are you to talk about interracial relationships when you've been ogling the Elves since dinner started?!_

_Kili's face became red as one of Hamfast Gamgee's prized tomatoes. "I have not!"_

_"__You have so and you know it!"_

_"__Look, I don't fancy Elf maids. Too thin, all high cheek bones and creamy skin, not enough facial hair-." He paused when he noticed Bilbo's unconvinced look. "And I'm not afraid to admit that they're not so bad. Especially that one."_

_Bilbo took one look at the Elf the young Dwarf gestured to and could barely stop himself from laughing. "That's not an Elf maid."_

_Kili looked positively dead inside as the Dwarves at the table laughed at both him and the very male Elf he seemed to fancy. A few minutes later, the Hobbit nearly slapped himself for watching Thorena stomp out of the room._

* * *

CRASH!

Bilbo rushed up the stairs, heart pounding in his chest, to find Bella standing near several pieces of a broken sword knocked onto the ground. "Bella Thraina Baggins, what have you been doing?!"

The toddler was on the verge of tears. "I-I'm sorry. I j-just wanted to see what was on the tray. I climbed up, but then-." She hiccuped and began to cry all out.

The Hobbit knelt down and pulled his daughter into a hug. "Shh, it's okay. Are you hurt?" He felt her shake her head into his shoulder. "Good." They stayed like this for another minute before pulling away. "Now, let's get this mess cleaned up before your mother or Lord Elrond find out."

A few minutes later, the tray was laid back in the statue's hands and the shards of the sword were relatively in the right places. Hopefully the Elves wouldn't notice. As soon as the job was done, Bella ran off, presumably to find her mother. Bilbo made to follow after, but then the mural on the opposite wall caught his eye. Of course, he didn't know why at first, as he'd seen the painting already on his first journey to Erebor. That's when his eye was drawn to a certain spot on the mural; in all the black, white, and grey, there was a single splash of color in the painting on the black figure's finger-.

"Papa!"

"C-coming!" The Hobbit set off, daring one last look at the little golden band in the mural.

* * *

_"__I believe I owe you an apology, Master Baggins."_

_Bilbo was shook from his thoughts when the leader of their Company sat down beside them on Beorn's porch. He'd come out to have a moment of privacy with his pipe, but he found he didn't mind the Dwarf woman's company. "I thought you did all your apologizing up on the Carrock."_

_"__Then allow me to do it again. I'm sorry I ever doubted your ability or your intentions."_

_"…__Well, I can't really blame you. Not even the Tooks would be willing to come this far in their adventuring, and I can understand why you'd be hesitant to trust me."Thorena nodded, but didn't say anything after that. The next few minutes were spent in silence as Bilbo continued to smoke his pipe. Then a thought struck him as he was blowing a smoke ring. "Have you had Old Toby before?"_

_Thorena looked a bit shocked at the question. "Not in a long time."_

_"__Well here." The Hobbit wiped off the mouth piece with the hem of his shirt and handed the pipe to her. The Dwarf woman took a look at the pipe and brought it to her mouth. An intake later and she was coughing. "Haha! Are you okay?"_

_"__*cough* fine *cough*." She handed the pipe back to Bilbo, who happily went back to blowing smoke rings. For a while, anyway._

_"__So, what happens if- when we take back the Mountain?"_

_"…__What do you mean?"_

_"__I mean, what are you going to do?"_

_"__Well, I'll be easing Fili into the role of king, attending to my own duties, rebuilding Erebor-."_

_"__Would you try to settle down with someone?" Thorena seemed shocked by the question and Bilbo immediately regretted saying it out loud. "I'm sorry-."_

_"__No, it's fine. As for your question…I suppose it depends."_

_"…__D-depends on what."_

_She smiled out into the night. "On whether or not I find my One."_

* * *

Apparently they'd caught Beorn at the worst time. Bilbo ran frantically towards the house, his daughter in his arms and his wife at his side. A mighty roar came from the tree line behind them and he knew they weren't going to make it. Already he heard the foot beats of the fearsome skin changer coming closer.

A shadow flying overhead made the group fall to the ground. The Hobbit felt Bella slip from his arms as he tumbled down. Thorena toppled onto him, frightened and out of breath. "Where's Bella?!" she shouted.

"I don't know!" Both parents stood and looked around frantically for their daughter. Bilbo then caught sight of the little Dwobbit…standing right in front of the large bear. Beorn gave another roar, face to face with her. Bilbo felt his heart stop as he lunged forward. "BELLA!"

Bella roared back.

The toddler yelled right at the skin changer, then giggled at his surprised look. She then proceeded to give him a kiss on the nose and hug his large head, as if he was just a dog.

Bilbo didn't see how the rest of the scene played out, as he had fainted in his wife's arms.

* * *

_Barrels. That how they were getting out of here._

_Bilbo was all over the place at this point, making sure everything was in place for their escape. Already he made sure the Dwarves wouldn't be caught leaving their cells (there was some sort of party going on upstairs). The he'd snagged a ring of keys from a very drunk Elf so he may actually open the cell doors. In all honesty, the Hobbit felt positively giddy; after nearly a month of hiding in the shadows, he was finally reuniting with the Company, with his friends, with-._

_…__With her._

_Already he could hear their voices._

_"__I'll wager the sun's on the rise."_

_"__We're never gonna reach the Mountain, are we?"_

_Bilbo practically leapt off the last step and slipped off his ring, revealing himself to the imprisoned Dwarves. "Not stuck in here, you're not," he said, holding up the ring of keys. He heard the Company's cheers as he struggled to unlock the first cell door. "Shut it! There're guards nearby!" The door opened. "Here, take some keys and-."_

_The Hobbit was silenced when he felt lips crash against his own. His eyes went wide when he saw Thorena pull away from him, beaming. "You are full of surprises, Master Baggins."_

* * *

_He could not for the life of him find the words to respond. Then he remembered that they still had to escape, so he shook his beat red head out of the stupor. "Okay, escaping, cellar, barrels, river, let's go." The next moments of floating down the river were a bit of a blur to the lovestruck Hobbit._

"I can see the resemblance quite clearly." Bilbo placed a hand on the shoulder of his fuming wife. The Bagginses had been forced to stop by the Elvenking's halls to restock supplies and Thorena was not in the least bit pleased. Bella seemed to understand her mother's mood, so she held tight to her little wooden sword as Thranduil introduced himself to her. "She's an adorable little one. (For a half breed)."

"You're a meanie."

The Elvenking froze. "What?"

"You're a meanie. You bullied Mama and her friends."

"W-well, there were certain circumstances that lead me to do what I did to your…Mama."

"You still weren't very nice."

"But surely you can understand that that's all in the past. Everyone has let bygones be bygones. Surely you can do the same." Thranduil went to give her what Bilbo assumed to be a pat on the head but bloody screamed as the little Dwobbit bit down on his hand and gave him a good whack to the knees with the wooded sword.

Well, if there's one thing the Elvenking taught Bella, it was a few Elven swears. Luckily Legolas was able to get them safely out before his father issued an order for the toddler's head. And the Hobbit swore he hadn't seen Thorena laugh so hard in…well, ever.

* * *

_Bilbo was headed to bed. He'd had enough of parties and Dwarves and Masters for one night. Of course, he didn't expect to find Thorena sitting on his bed, waiting for him, when he finally got back to his room. "Thorena? What are you-?"_

_"__I had a question for you. And I was anxious for an answer."_

_The Hobbit didn't really know what to say, electing to just take a seat beside her and here her out. Only she didn't say anything. Her face was flushed (though he couldn't tell if it was from the alcohol or embarrassment) and she was staring at the ground. The echoes from the party could be heard through the floorboards as they sat awkwardly next to each other. Bilbo took a shaky breath; this could be his chance to ask his own question. "Uh, Thorena-."_

_"__I was wondering if-."_

_They both froze as they interrupted each other. They shared a brief laugh then went back to silence. Finally, the Hobbit couldn't take it anymore. "Okay, how about this? We tell each other what we want to say at the same time, alright?"_

_"…__Alright."_

_Alright. Three. Two. One._

_"__Would you consider courting me?"_

_The same exact question left both of them at the same time. For the next few moments they just stared at each other wide eyed. Then Thorena leaned down to catch Bilbo's lips. When they finally parted ways to breathe, the Hobbit only had one thing to say before continuing._

_"__Oh to hell with it."_

* * *

Bilbo couldn't help but flush to remember how that night had ended. Both of them had been quite drunk, a bit lovesick, and most uncertain about whether they'd survive what was to come. Of course, the Hobbit had never regretted it; it was a nice moment before gold sickness and war drove them apart. Besides, if it hadn't been for those events, Bella wouldn't be here with them now.

"Are we there yet?" their little Dwobbit asked sleepily from atop her mother's shoulders.

"It's just past this hill," was Thorena's response. And indeed it was; it'd taken a while, but the Bagginses' journey was reaching an end. Once they reached the top of the rise, they were greeted by a glorious sight. The ruins of Dale the Hobbit had seen years ago were rebuilt and bustling, its markets full of vine and vale once again. Beyond the old city was a familiar gate, refurbished and standing strong.

"Welcome to Erebor, Bella Baggins," Bilbo said with a smile. Although he knew the little Dwobbit wouldn't be able to hear him; she'd already fallen asleep.

"Well, come on then," Thorena said. "Let's not keep my nephews waiting. You know how impatient they can get"

"Yes, quite right. And Thorena?"

"Yes?"

"Let's use the front door this time."


	6. A Visit To Erebor

Title: A Visit to Erebor

Summary: The Baggins Family visits the Lonely Mountain to see relatives and are interrupted by Dain and his "opinions". Meanwhile, Kili and Tauriel share their own moment before meeting the new member of their family.

Requester: 666mewmew

* * *

Bella was finding it increasingly hard to breathe. Don't misunderstand, the little Dwobbit loved a big, loving hug. The thing was, she couldn't think of a way to break to this enormous Dwarf woman that she was crushing her.

"Oh, you are just the cutest thing!" the woman named Balinda cooed, finally pulling away. "Have they been feeding you well? You seem a bit thin."

"She's eating just fine, thank you very much," Papa stepped in, pulling the toddler away from the large Dwarf.

Balinda huffed. "Fine, I can take a hint. I'm being overbearing."

"Ha! That's the understatement of the age," another Dwarf woman (Gretta Bella thought her name was) laughed. "Don't worry, Lass. Most of her feeding frenzy has been directed at your cousin's intended, so there's no need to worry about becoming bloated."

"Oh, I'll show you bloated, you-!" Balinda had been angry for a split second before a look from Mama silenced her. "Ah, but where are my manners? Let me introduce you to the rest of us." The large Dwarf gestured to the row of fifteen behind her, all variably thick-set and with either brown or red hair. "Of course you've already met your Uncle Bombur. And here we have Baldur, Bala, Bofur II (or Bof if you prefer), Bombas, Lumbur, Rollo, Bolin, the twins Gaea and Frigga, Bafor, Brok, Siggy, Bjorn, and little Bifa." All fourteen of the above named Dwarves gave a loud hello, causing Bella to flinch and hide behind Papa's legs.

"See? I told you they'd scare her."

"You know what Gretta-."

"Knock it off, both of you," Mama stepped in between the two Dwarf women, calming them almost instantly. "Let's change the subject; where's everybody else?"

"…Well, the King and Balin are in council at the moment, Kili and that Elf of his should be arriving shortly, Gloin and Gimli are…."

"Hello!" Bella jumped back when a Dwarf about her height appeared next to her. She remembered seeing her in the line earlier, the shortest among them, with Uncle Bombur's red hair pulled into pigtails and freckles covering her face. In all honesty, the little girl reminded her of one if Mr. Gamgee's prized pumpkins. "My name's Bifa. Your's is Bella, right?"

The Dwobbit looked up at her father; he seemed to be distracted by whatever her mother was saying. Taking a deep breath, she made eye contact with Bifa and responded. "Yes."

"Nice to meet you! You look my age! How old are you? Why are your feet so big? Why don't you wear shoes? Do you like games?"

"…I'm almost 7, I got my Papa's feet, because shoes aren't comfy, and I guess?"

"What kind of games?"

"I guess…pretending games?"

"Sometimes Bjorn and I go up onto the gates and make up stories about the people coming through. Would you like to come with us when our parents finally stop talking?"

"Um…I'll have to ask Papa-."

"THERE YOU ALL ARE!" A very loud voice shook the room. Bella looked up at the top of the steps to see another Dwarf, very large with greying red hair. "I swear, it's like you're all trying to avoid me! Why did no one tell me my cousin had arrived?!" The loud Dwarf approached Mama; the two touched foreheads and began speaking Khuzdul (Bella herself didn't know a lot of the language right then).

The Dwobbit, keeping a weary eye on the new arrival, whispered to Bifa. "Who is that Dwarf?"

"That's Lord Dain Ironfoot. He's from the Iron Hills, but visits the King often. My Mama says that he's very annoying and short-sighted. But I dunno how he can be short-sighted; he's very tall for a Dwarf."

Mr. Ironfoot stepped over to the toddler and her Papa. "And who're you supposed to be?" he asked the latter.

"Bilbo Baggins, Thorena's husband, at your service."

Everything went completely silent before Mr. Ironfoot gave a laugh so loud, it hurt Bella's ears. "Ha, that's rich! But seriously, who're you supposed to be?"

"…Bilbo Baggins. Thorena's husband."

The loud Dwarf had a strange expression before he started to glare at Papa. "Oh, now I remember. My cousin'd burst into tears at the mere mention of your name. And now you think after all that you can just marry her?! She's a direct descendent of Durin the Deathless, for crying out loud! And what are you?! Some prissy Halfling from the green lumps you call hills." His attention suddenly shifted down to Bella. "Then you must be the little Quarterling that plagued her for months on end. Hope you're proud of yourself; you practically drove her to this madness!"

The Dwobbit had never seen Mama or Papa as mad as they were a moment later.

* * *

Well, it was official. Balinda's special diet had finally gotten to her.

Those were Tauriel's thoughts as she looked over herself in the mirror. For the past few years she'd been living in Erebor with her Meleth, the wife of one of Kili's Company members had practically made herself into the Elf's personal cook. Of course, it was her own fault for not saying no (she was too polite), and now all those meals the Dwarf woman had made to, as another wife in the Company had said, "fatten her up", were finally taking their toll. She placed a hand on the little swell of her belly and huffed.

"What's the matter?" Kili suddenly appeared in the mirror's reflection and hugged her from behind.

A smile attempted to appear on her face, but her poor mood wouldn't allow for it. "Balinda's finally succeeded."

"You mean this little thing? You can barely notice it." A hand was at her stomach, holding her own. "Now, does it really matter what you look like? I love you for you, Ghivashel. Nothing's going to change that."

The smile finally found its way to her. "I suppose that's true."

"Good." Kili let go and stepped in front of her. "Now, let's not keep Auntie waiting forever."

It didn't take the two of them long to get to the main hall. However, when they reached the steps downward, Dain Ironfoot came stomping past them, a black eye and bloodied lip on his face. Tauriel didn't quite know how to respond to that; when she glanced over at Kili, he could only offer her a shrug. The Elf soon spotted the most likely cause of the Dwarf Lord's foul mood: a Dwarf and a Hobbit that she'd not seen in at least 6 years hugging what looked to be a small combination of the two. Gathered around them were Gretta and Balinda (along with her husband and fourteen offspring). She was hesitant at first, but then was made at ease when Kili all but leaped down the stairs and embraced his aunt. "Auntie! It's good to see you again!"

"I could say the same of you," Lady Thorena replied. The woman then spotted Tauriel, recognizing her hesitancy. "Don't be shy, Lass. We're family, after all."

"I-…of course." Tauriel approached and was pulled into the hug. The whole affair was extremely awkward, but fortunately passed quickly. "It is good to see you again, My Lady, Master Baggins."

"Oh, there's no need for formalities," the Hobbit said. "Bilbo and Thorena are just fine."

"Wow, Bella, look how big you've grown." The Elf looked down to see her Meleth crouched in front of the third Baggins. "You don't remember me, but I knew you when you were just a baby. I'm your cousin Kili."

"…Hi."

"And this is Tauriel."

Tauriel looked down with a smile. The child was unlike anything she'd ever seen, and she'd seen quite a lot in her long life. Curly black hair, large chubby feet, and a pair of very blue eyes; she was reminded of the black squirrels that could be found in the forests of her former liege. Bella looked up at her in wonder, blue eyes wide. Tauriel couldn't help her growing smile (this was too adorable!).

Then, suddenly, the child stepped toward her and prodded her stomach with a finger. "Are you having a baby?"

Tauriel was in a bit of a shock then; she didn't even notice Master Baggins scooping up and scolding Bella or Balinda rushing up to her and fussing about her belly. The Elf didn't even notice Kili trying to snap her out of whatever stupor she was in. She was a little too focused on the fact that the child may actually be right.

* * *

14 kids. 14 KIDS.

Extra shout out to 666mewmew for helping me keep all these OC's organized.


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